Well I guess the nicest thing about being poor is that the current economic crisis is not causing me to panic. I don't have enough money to reach the FDIC cap of insurance and really my 0 net worth in todays world is not much different from my 0 net worth of last weeks world.

Its my birthday

I feel discouraged and I am still sick. I wonder if my parents are going to acknowledge my birthday. All of my siblings are born within ten days of eachother - I am the last in my generation; Audrey, my neice, is tomorrow.

I can't get rid of this cold/whatever that is lodged in my lungs. At this point I have coghed so much that my chect and back are alternately sore and numb with random shooting pain in my neck if I move my head. I don't play to use this journal to complain about my health but this is getting crazy. When oh when is ther going to be some kind of way for me to see a doctor without having to go to an ER? Sigh I feel discouraged by the world at the moment.

OMG the ads on TV trying to justify high fructose corn syrup are scary. They are put out by these people http://www.sweetsurprise.com/index.php I can't be the only person who finds them odd and kinda offensive.

They are surreal to me (the clips are available on the above site) where they are trying to justify that HFCS is no worse than sugar - Please give me Coke with suger pretty please? Sigh it is weird and I wonder if my tax dollars are paying for it?

Ha! I got Twitter and I have to say it makes me feel connected in the old way that IM used to.....fun. I am CheshireKate there as well if anyone cares.

One an entirely different note

Here this site is the best ever

Answering the newly important question - Has the new super collider destroyed the Earth yet?

http://www.hasthelhcdestroyedtheearth.com/

The fact that some people are that worried about it in the first place - we should be so lucky....I suspect the earth is far more likely to be destroyed by the stupidity of multiple goverments and various other people than the super collider but that is just my angry and cynical side.

On the off chance that you don't know what the heck I am talking about
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/supercollider-tunnel-nears-completion-789999.html

I am just not getting over this so I figure I will vent about it here. I mod a online game, and I workl really hard at it and I have time and time again taken the hardest forum areas and stuck up publically for the game management eventhough really they have an absolutely terrible record for screwing over the English players (read the games England whihc is multi national but English speaking) in favor of the French players.

Anyway, for the last several months I have been quietly suggesting that they have an admin team rather than one admin becasue the one admin we do have is terrific BUT busy with life etc as well. I also was very clear that I wanted to be on the admin team. I am currently the oldest mod and I have been a mod for geeze like 2 and half 3 years now. So they announce that they are going with Admin teams and name two more admins to the team. You will never guess who didn't make it....grrrr. I know I should just chalk it up to life. It was more than just not making it though, it was they way it was done, I mean I guess I think it would have been nice to get a note explaining it ahead of time....and the sop a new title to me but exactly the same shit I have been doing the whole time as far as running the grid (scheduling the teams) just feel like a sop. I mean how could they not even acknowledge that I was hopeing to get some new opportunities also. The worst is that they named two people I really like to the team and I don't begrudge it to them but I wanted a chance too.

It ties into my whole stupid life, I send resumes out and no one even pretends to care or respond to them. I want the chances other people seem to get for some external validation too. Like I said to me stupid husband the other day, I miss being a people too.

Anyway my rage, hurt and frustration about this is not abating and I am sick again on top of it whihc I am sure isn't helping. I can barely stand to log in to the game and the whole time I am there it is like an exercise in my common sense trying to restrain the sarcastic mean and bitchy side of me. I just want to lash out with all the things I have fought not to say for the whole time I have been there.

If what you are saying is but it is just a game, remember that I am homebound, crippled and have no life...this was a chance for me to try to be creative and interact with people so for me it was more than a game. I don't get to have the same kind of exchanges you all do where someone will say hey nice day out and you say yeah I love the weather or something. No casual chit chat, no changes in perspective, no random compliments and we are financially struggling so there just aren't a lot of things to do.

honestly this is mostly a vent post and I will get over it or I won't and I will quit the game and things will continue on and the world won't stop but it leaves me feeling hollow and mean.

I am not sure I really want to blog about politics becasue really I think that everyone is welsome to theirs. BUT this past week the RNC was here and for me literally here as in a mile away from the house. We had helicopters flying overhead a LOT like 3:30 am whihc was so weird becasue our city is sort of known for rolling up the sidewalks for the most part by 6 pm on weeknigts although that is changing slowly.

I have truely lost faith in the city in many ways, we here in Minnesota tend to be a relatively peaceful lot and mostly our protests involve what I call the march chant and sway mootif. The peole running wild and smashing windows was not my experience of Minnesota protesting (not that I was out there because I must say thse days I think protesting is mostly futile)

Anyway I said months ago that the city's wifty plan to contain the protests by requiring permits and then herding even the permitted protests into a space far away from the Xcel center was made of fail. I mean really by trying to keep the protesters away from their targets, I think they made the situation worse. i am sorry that the city made that decision becasue really, I kind of feel like if you choose to be a deleaget to eitehr the DNC or the RNC, having to see protesters who disagree is kinda part of the process. I mean really none of the Republicans seemed surprised that there were protests ya know?

Anyhow, I am terminally ashamed of the arrest of Amy Goodman, It is gonna be a huge embarassment for the city for a good long time and deservedly so. Interfeing with the press reporting on an event likethe RNC and the accompanying prostest again seems like a bad plan. I think the police were all worked up and a few were really ready to go righteous on a protester, and any prostester would do. I know a couple of people who swear that they were in the peaceful part of the march and got maced anyhow and I am sad about that as well. We are a country founded on freedom of speech and assembly and have a long proud tradition of protest (Tea anyone?) I do blame the current administration for part of this becasue I feel like they have preached the "if you aren't with us you are against us" party line all too often. Sometimes a person just doesn't agree, I don't know when we had to move to open warfare against people who are fellow citizens who just have different opinions.

I know one friend who reads this blog who was a protester and another of my dear readers is rolling his eyes at that and a third has in the past and I fear in the future laid his life out there in service to this nation....and I agree with none of them all the time; I just don't necessarily think it is my job to change their minds. I mean if I want to chare a compelling argument with them I will (as some of you are aware) but in the end, I have my life lessons my beliefs my truisms and they have theirs, the fact that we can even have a dialogue about them sometimes is a banner event in and of itself.

I think we just need to learn to disagree like civilized people and if we can't do that, we need to learn how to fake it.