I am just not getting over this so I figure I will vent about it here. I mod a online game, and I workl really hard at it and I have time and time again taken the hardest forum areas and stuck up publically for the game management eventhough really they have an absolutely terrible record for screwing over the English players (read the games England whihc is multi national but English speaking) in favor of the French players.

Anyway, for the last several months I have been quietly suggesting that they have an admin team rather than one admin becasue the one admin we do have is terrific BUT busy with life etc as well. I also was very clear that I wanted to be on the admin team. I am currently the oldest mod and I have been a mod for geeze like 2 and half 3 years now. So they announce that they are going with Admin teams and name two more admins to the team. You will never guess who didn't make it....grrrr. I know I should just chalk it up to life. It was more than just not making it though, it was they way it was done, I mean I guess I think it would have been nice to get a note explaining it ahead of time....and the sop a new title to me but exactly the same shit I have been doing the whole time as far as running the grid (scheduling the teams) just feel like a sop. I mean how could they not even acknowledge that I was hopeing to get some new opportunities also. The worst is that they named two people I really like to the team and I don't begrudge it to them but I wanted a chance too.

It ties into my whole stupid life, I send resumes out and no one even pretends to care or respond to them. I want the chances other people seem to get for some external validation too. Like I said to me stupid husband the other day, I miss being a people too.

Anyway my rage, hurt and frustration about this is not abating and I am sick again on top of it whihc I am sure isn't helping. I can barely stand to log in to the game and the whole time I am there it is like an exercise in my common sense trying to restrain the sarcastic mean and bitchy side of me. I just want to lash out with all the things I have fought not to say for the whole time I have been there.

If what you are saying is but it is just a game, remember that I am homebound, crippled and have no life...this was a chance for me to try to be creative and interact with people so for me it was more than a game. I don't get to have the same kind of exchanges you all do where someone will say hey nice day out and you say yeah I love the weather or something. No casual chit chat, no changes in perspective, no random compliments and we are financially struggling so there just aren't a lot of things to do.

honestly this is mostly a vent post and I will get over it or I won't and I will quit the game and things will continue on and the world won't stop but it leaves me feeling hollow and mean.